IMAGINE THIS: George and his wife Sarah work 9-5 jobs. Oneday they came back from work together and George went to refreshen up while Sarah fixed dinner, simultaneously answering questions from their daughter Doris and preventing their 3 sons from fighting. He walked to the living room to listen to news while he called out to Sarah to hurry up with his dinner.
Donkey years ago, men were the sole bread winners while the women were housewives and it was that way for a very long time.
In recent times, men are still bread winners but now have their wives supporting them financially so most women work and also earn a decent wage. Some women have become sole bread winners too. However I feel that if the woman is taking on more responsibilities then the man should do the same.
Instead they come home and sit like an entitled couch potato waiting and screaming for food. If you won’t help out in the kitchen and want to be a couch potato why not shut up and be a good couch potato?
It is scientifically proven that helping your spouse out every once in a while especially when you know she’s had a stressful day doesn’t reduce sperm count (you can quote me anywhere).
-Rose Ofutet.
Patriarchy is still very much alive.
I remember less than 5years ago, I’d sit infront of my house in the village and see a family returning from farm. The woman usually carries a big basin of cassava, firewood on top of the cassava, ties a baby on her back and holds the other child by the hand. While the man just walks behind them with a cutlass and sometimes a radio as a proud owner of a penis. He doesn’t participate in cooking and may likely request for pounded yam when he gets home which he will not pound. As is custom, he will have dinner and go out to drink with his friends and come back home to copulate with his tired wife who has no right to say no to a penis owner who was kind enough to pay her dowry.
Read: My Two Scents On The Fallacious Belief That Successful Women End Up Alone.
It is crazy that these things are seen as normal and men who would have helped their wives, do not do it in fear of being called “woman wrapper” or a “weakling” and some women ensure that their husbands do not help them out for fear of in-laws saying she has bewitched their son.
Gentlemen, giving a helping hand won’t hurt. Your love for your spouse should reflect not just in the other room but in the other rooms. It won’t make you less of a man to help out with chores just like it won’t make her less of a woman to support the family financially. The home will be a happier place when responsibilities are shared.
I’ll like to read your thoughts in the comment section😊.
0 comment
It’s really sad how this is our narrative here In Africa. I wish more men would realise that helping out with domestic chores, if anything, only makes one more if a man.
I really enjoyed reading this, too 😀
Seriously they just don’t want to come out of the 19th century.
I’m glad you enjoyed reading it.😊
Sometimes men will be men and it’s sad how much “power” they think they hold over us and forgetting that women are human also. People won’t cherish until someone or something is gone but it’s to late then.
It is really sad how these uninformed women are treated. I can only hope their morning comes soon
Thanks for stopping by.😊
‘More of a man’, I meant to say
😂 this was funny. I’ve always used your opening instance to explain things to some guy, still they don’t get it. I’m glad you are talking about it. I was just so happy to see it. Me I can’t shout, really. Men just need to learn, it’s not even a matter of times have changed sef, if one is being logical, they would see that it’s unfair to the wife in the kitchen when they both came back the same time. Like Rose said, it doesn’t reduce sperm count.
They deliberately refuse to get it! I think their brain has been programmed that way and they have refused to upgrade.
I always tell people that refuse to get it that having meaningful conversations with them kills brain cells. (They don’t take too well and I guess mentally remove me from their list of wife materials😂)
I appreciate your feedback.😊
😁
My opinion is seen through a filter of my own experiences. That said, it takes 2 to make a baby and it should take two to rear that child. So that means all aspects of parenting. Granted a man can’t breastfeed a baby but he has two hands and can hold the fussy child, change a soiled child, bathe a child, mind the child if the wife is ill or must tend to another child… My biggest pet peeve is when men say they are “babysitting” their own children. Baby sitting implies that you are being paid a wage to watch children. A mother minding her children isn’t “babysitting” – she is parenting! And men should be willing and eager to spend time with their offspring and form a close emotional bond! (steps down from the soap box)
Well said.
Marriage is a partnership and no one person is doing the other a favour by participating in very normal activities like spending time with their offspring.
Here’s my thought: I’m reblogging this immediately to my sister site, Success Inspirers World
Thankyou very much. I appreciate❤
I get the vibe 😁
This is something that shouldn’t be acceptable anywhere. Some men don’t have conscience at all. They just lazy around at home. I just hope this behavior stops.
The world is changing and more people are becoming more aware of what it is.
Great post. Partnership is key
Yes. Partnership is everything.
GENDER SAGA! In most cases women needs sensitization they have to know that being a compliment to them isn’t a symptom of laziness or complacency! They tend to align with the believe that a helping man is a weak man! And so it goes….
“Why not shut up and be a good couch potato?” and then your sperm quote… You crack me up. Always fun to read your posts. You touch upon some series issues, but always add your funny twists.
I’m glad you like reading them😁. I really appreciate you for taking out time to visit, read, like and drop a comment.
When a lady talks about things like this, Its always the same lines. Trust me sis, I have read this countless times in the past. Here is my idea, “No one can change your mindset except you ” . We have to many informed people who do not lead transformed lives. “How informed you are defines how transformed YOU CAN be”.
Myles Munroe of blessed memory said “women by nature are receivers. They are always wanting everything. It’s just their nature.”… I totally agree with your insight madam but on a second thought, I wish I could find a man saying the exact same things.
Let’s not try to synchronize different times – even though your analogy of what happens in the village still happens. Now everyone is a carrier man and woman. Women are are educated as men. That’s soo good. That means we all have equal opportunities in life.
But we have to understand that there cannot be two kings 👑 in a home . It’s only a king and a Queen. The king has his responsibilities as well as HIS QUEEN.
NOTE THE USE OF “HIS QUEEN”
I am of belief that societal ideology does not define how I decide to run kingdom as well as my darlings Queendom. “How can two work together except they agree? ”
I understand that you have shared your ideology and u believe your husband must have read this by now 😁. If he hasn’t, make sure during courtship, he reads all your blog post to understand your expectations and mindset.
I know of an uncle who said the should never work. He pays her every month aside the usual allowance and feeding expenses. That is what the king and the Queen wants.
People outside see him as domineering. But he just wants his wife to take care of home and kids. Besides the Queen is not complaining.
I don’t mean to endorse what women go through – common! My grandmother still loves to farm despite all the money her children gives her. She still trek long distance. She loves it. She isn’t complaining so who am I.
In those days it was normal. That’s the ideology that felt normal. EVen when I study the Bible I see a lot. If we look back from now, it seems women were like second class citizens. But at that time, it was just normal. This is why Jesus was hated. What the people took as normal was not seen as such by Jesus. He gave women status.
The conclusion of the whole matter is “fear God and keep his commandment” … There is a standard for marriage in the Bible but the parties need to talk about a whole lot during courtship.
Courtship time is talking time. If you expect me to be helping you to make our food, please tell me.Do not assume I should know. My main focus will be on how to represent myself as king by providing for the family.
There are Dominant and Recessive Thoughts in both parties. As a woman, your dominant thoughts wouldn’t be how to pay bills etc – except the condition warrants. So I say Transparency Before Marriage and in Marriage is key. Do not expect me to know it all.
We did not grow up together
We did not have the same parents
We did read the same books
We probably did not go to the same school.
My thoughts – Gentle_George
It’s a good thing that this is no news to you.
In as much as I believe you are entitled to your opinion about this topic, I think your comment shows that you have an indifferent approach towards modern day slavery.
However, I agree with some of your points but not all of it. “CHRISTAINS” like to hide under the umbrella of “the man is the King” and the woman a “QUEEN” which is true but incorrectly used hence already stale.
No one should tell a descent human being to help his tired wife with chores (notice how I said tired wife not idle or lazy wife?).
It is compassion, love and simply respect that makes a man help out even without his wife asking.
There’s no one perfect rule book for marriage – different folks, different strokes.
People mistake “normal” for “right”.
Growing up, my dad helped my mum out every once in a while. My parents are health workers and sometimes come home super late. with my dad’s terrible cooking skills, my mum had to do all the cooking but he was there to pass her the salt, blend the pepper or wake us up to eat. It is that little effort that makes all the difference.
The woman’s primary aim in the home is caring, nuturing etc. While the man is to lead, protect etc.
The bible in proverbs says that a man that can’t provide for his family is worse than an infidel but hell will let loose if a woman who is now the bread winner of the family takes her husband’s place as leader since according to bible standards “he is an infidel”. (Note that the bible called him an infidel). I do not support women who do this.
(In my defence I brought it up as a way to make you realise marriage is all team work).
Just as it isn’t a taboo for a woman to help out financially, it isn’t a taboo for a man to help out with chores.
No descent KING would watch his queen slave away will he sits, cratches his balls and sips juice on his throne which is definitely a couch.
That isn’t what being the head of a home is about. (Notice how I said ” head of the home? Not boss of the home”).
A king doesn’t become less of a king by changing a baby’s diaper or flushing his own poo down the toilet.
I agree that courtship time is talking time. However, I am sorry I don’t think I should sit my partner down with a power point presentation of how to be a leader. (Ever heard about leadership by example?).
It is innate and I have no intention of trying to mould a grown man or teach him how to be a descent human being.
I have my future sons to raise and have no intention of courting a man whose mother failed to instill human values in. Trust me, I recognise them in the first 5minutes of a conversation)😂
This mentality is a leach eating up too many people including including christains. Every christain brothers learns Ephesians 5:22-25 by heart before reading John 3:16.
My point is “normal” isn’t always “right”.
*leech
Noted dear. Quite understood. Waw! I appreciate the fact that with minutes you could just know that kind of man. Indeed I am impressed.
Please🙋 may I correct you that I am not INDIFFERENT ABOUT what you call slavery dear😁.
With all the plenty talk I was talking dear I was trying to drive home a point which is “Families decide how the run their territory”
Would I say because you come from the perfect family (let’s say by your standards 😁) where daddy help mummy and all that…. That my family is dysfunctional or not cool? Not at all.
Now let’s assume a guy like me that comes from a home where daddy comes home on Saturday’s and Leaves on Monday. Thus I had never witnessed – like you, him cooking with mum In the kitchen . Then I happen to me in a relationship with a lady like you.
Do you know that the No1 factor that kills any kind of relationship (be it with God or Man) will definitely affect us? It is called EXPECTATIONS.
You would be expecting I be in a particular way as well as I. Because we have bagages from our past and background, we tend to carry them along into our relationships.
I advice you get this book : LOVE ANS RESPECT by Dr Emerson EGGERICHS. Its a christian literature.
Now why I don’t term all they activities like cooking and all those illustrations as slavery is because if these two persons are one, then as the Ephesians you quoted says, BOTH COUPLES SHOULD SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER – I wish you read the link I shared.
Is it my place to say a man who does not help his wife in the kitchen is not a loving man or decent man? That’s absurd.
Just imagine this now. In my home I and my father fix electrical faults, my dad is gifted in mechanics and we fix the generator and the cars when they develop faults. Just recently, we spent hours to fix the doors in the house by changing the keys. We did not eat till 3pm.
Now it’s only a stupid man (sorry to say ) that will expect that his wife takes care of that. By default it is known as a man’s job in the mind of my mum.
My dear I guess you need to read the books on THE POWER AND PURPOSE OF A MAN & THE POWER AND PURPOSE OF A WOMAN by Myles Munro.
Marriage is a team work but the work of the team is defined by the players only. The only coach they have is the holy spirit. 😁
It’s natural for a lady to to think of all the things that concern her an expect the man to fit into her box but when it comes to the man’s, it’s not negotiable. 😀 I have been there dear and I understand.
This is why I do not talk about people’s family or things I observe. I CAN TALK ABOUT NOLLYWOOD ANYWAY – 😂 Lol even the directors of the movies portray the African tradition and I don’t see the parties complaining.
Note that I do not endorse men being uncaring to the women. Even the Bible
Acknowledges that you are weaker the we are that we should treat you with love else even our prayers might be hindered (I guess you have read that before).
Now I know all this. But I wuldt call a guy not exposed to scripture or have the same background as you STUPID OR INSENSIBLE.
OK let me get personal Now
While I was in NYSC I stayed in family house. Mixed sex. In all the meals in the house, one guy and one girl were paired to cook – Unlike the family houses where it was just the ladies. When ladies were now pared with guys to treem the flowers or buy fuel for the Generator etc, they never come. One funny thing I observed was that the. Guys never cared at all.
I was a leader so it was not allowed for me to help in the kitchen but I did other things.
Suddenly, the guys began to be lazy at being with their partners in kitchen. Oh my God. It was as if there was war. The ladies complained to the excos always . Since the president was a lady (I was third in command) , she got angry 😁 and decided to ban all the ladies from cooking for one week. Guess what? She made a roaster for the guys to cook. 😁 And I WAS NUMBER ONE😁.
This was when the words of Myles Monroe made. Sense to me. I knew about how women think but I never experienced it.
ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS : A MAN FEELS LOVED ONLY WHEN HE IS RESPECTED. A WOMAN FEELS LOVED WHEN SHE IS FIRST PLACE AFTER GOD IN A MAN’S HEART.
In other words, all a man needs is respect..All a woman needs is love. That is why Ephesians says “Husbands LOVE your wife. Wives RESPECT your husband” …. This is a cardinal rule.
As a leader I cooked. In fact the guys came to support. Some of the ladies were not happy it stated with me. But the plan was to see If I would rebel. I cooked a great meal. The guys were shocked . But they followed my leadership. We reunited again later and went back to normal. BECAUSE I HAD UNDERSTANDING, I COULD LOOK BEYOND TRADITION BUT HUMBLED MYSELF WITH A GODLY MINDSET.
communication is key like I said. My wife should let me know her expectations. Maybe when I start dating I will ask my fiance questions like this even though she might not just say.
Like before, I agree with some of your points but not all.
Growing up, we had no male work or female work descriptions. I started washing cars before I was 10, I pound yam, polish shoes, kill chicken (I mentally think I can kill a goat if given the opportunity), and sometimes break fire wood.
We always had a handy man do the fixing in the house cus my dad unlike yours isn’t good at electrical stuff etc.
I recently visited an NYSC family house and only the sisters are assigned to cook while the brothers fetch water. The family head is COMPULSORILY a male only position and the deputy a female. I asked about it and was told it is so because the man is the head of the home. I couldn’t go all shades of what-is-wrong-with-you-people on them cus:
1. I know the man is the head of the home.
2. It is a religious gathering
3. Staying there was optional and the doors were always open to anyone who wasn’t cool with the rules.
I get your point, trust me, I do.
I’m sure that they are many many girls who share your thoughts on this matter as they are guys who share mine.
Different folks, different strokes.
I agree that families decide how to run their territory and it is truly up to them to decide. Regardless, I know a man that beats his wife and cheats on her but they’ve been married for atleast 35years will you say it’s totally cool cus it’s their territory and it obviously works for them that’s why they’ve been married for so long? (Do you know that she stays because she has no where to go?)
What’s seems normal isn’t always right.
Looking at it your way, your dad does his bid in other to keep the family running. Do you remember that this post is titled: THE COUCH POTATO?
Note how your dad is exactly helping out with something?
So in essence, you grew up in a family where your dad actually “does something” even if he isn’t grinding pepper in a grinding stone, he is doing something because he understands that it is a team work.
I GUESS I HAVE STARTED GOING IN CIRCLES AND CAN ONLY HOPE YOU GET MY POINT THIS TIME.
My post is directed at COUCH POTATOES. Saying there’s no such thing as a couch potato cus that’s their territory and it works for them, says a lot about a person. (I know things aren’t as they seem cus I belong to a platform that encourages women to tell their stories. I have come to understand that there’s too much beneath surface. You should know that some of this so called territories are run by dictators).
I still maintain my stance that ANY DECENT MALE KNOWS TO HELP OUT WITH CHORES. (chores doesn’t necessarily mean kitchen affairs).
EVERY DECENT HUMAN BEING SHOULD KNOW HOW TO DO BASIC THINGS FOR A CHILD THEY PARTICIPATED IN BIRTHING. There’s no such thing as a man’s job or a woman’s job when it comes to being a team player.
They are basic recipes for survival.
I read about a man whose wife travelled for about 3 weeks and he didn’t wash the plates he ate with for those weeks cus he is a man and men don’t do dishes. (Needless to say his wife washed hundreds of maggots when she returned)
I also heard about another whose wife stocked the fridge with food before travelling and had to return after 2weeks cus her husband who doesn’t eat out had been drinking tea for 2weeks. They was stew and he didn’t know how to boil rice. They was soup he didn’t know how to make eba.
I know of a woman who was ordered by a doctor to have bed rest cus she was pregnant and had started bleeding due to stress. She lost the baby cus she couldn’t follow the doctor’s instructions because her husband could barely do any chores and they had to eat. (BASIC RECIPE FOR SURVIVAL).
Knowing how to do basic things like starting a generator, checking oil level in a car, changing a light bulb etc aren’t gender specific.
It is no news that some males can’t cook or clean after themselves because they grew grew up with the notion that that’s not a necessary skill for men and some women don’t learn how to change a bulb cus that’s not a necessary skill for women.
Marriage goes beyond job descriptions.
Notice how in my first narrative George did nothing to help? He didn’t have to take over the cooking or necessarily help in preparing the food but he could answer a child’s questions and stopped the boys from fighting. Is that too much to ask? Better still, he could sit and patiently wait for his food without whining.
Did you read the part where I described how a pregnant woman carries a baby and all the load? Or did you see the video in “the couch potato 2”?
Was that a woman only job? Don’t you think the woman would have been happy to have some help?
It is that little voice that tells you to help an old lady who is a total stranger carry a heavy bag that’ll tell you to help your spouse out no matter how much your anti-female job alarms buzz in your head.
This is getting too lengthy. I’ll stop now.
Well understood dear. 😁
I wrote something about this on my blog. The title is “Why we desire to rule over women in marriage” 😁 Lol the title us just a shocker but I have tried to show from the Bible, how godly minds see things. I do not know it all but I am still learning.
https://godlyminds.wordpress.com/2018/01/13/why-men-desire-to-rule-over-women-in-marriage%f0%9f%94%93/
I’ll check it out.
By the way, You should see this. It’s normal where I come from so I’m sure it’s right?
https://wp.me/p94Ztb-co
So i finally got to read your post. It was insightful.
This might sound weird but I never noticed your name is George. I know! It was so glaring and I didnt see it😭
Coincidentally, my imaginary couch potato shares your name😋
It really engaged my thoughts because of the name. 😁. Although I did not pick offence. Lol. It could be any George. Anyway, it’s been nice sharing ideas. Indeed we have different mindset as human beings. That is why we are not machines 😁. Am glad I now understand your ideology. I hope you understood mine. Controversial issues like this interest me because I could really be controversial 😁.
Keep it up sis.
Note that I never intended to change your idea 😁. I love people who are opinionated and outspoken.
While in the house too, there was a lady who NEVER NEEDED her partner to be around too. The best she expects is someone that can engage her in conversations ONLY. LOL 😁 THAT WAS ME. I can talk for Africa so long as am eating the tiny meats 😁😁😁😁😁
It’s always fun to fellowship with your wife even when you can’t cut onion or cook . The lady I used to like back then as a Corper only preferred my presence – even when I could do a lot more.
Individuals are different anyway
Lol. This time, I totally agree with you.
Its an African thing, and women endure a lot or should I say suffer? Its a good thing that we are stepping up and standing up to men in this century. Great post dear!
Yes it is. We are taking it one step at a time and i am happy that more people are becoming more concious of these things.
Thankyou very very for reading
Aside reading the post, i took time to read your and George’s “little debate” and you both made some valid points. Most of these problems stem from the fact that there aren’t much men who guided by Godly principles or who were even brought up properly in the first place, and the carry these immature minds into marriage and the women bear the brunt. Therefore ladies during courtship need to look out for all these.
PS: There are equally some couch potato wives too,
You are right.
hey Sim its very interesting to read your posts. You have skill to put a critical topic with humor. This post I just loved it .
Thankyou very much for your kind words😊