This may come as a shock to a lot of people but I AM A SECRET AGENT. There, you have it! I am not supposed to tell anyone but I trust you to keep this a secret. I am a social media detective. Just before you get any ideas, I don’t stalk. I investigate.
I dig for evidence so hard that I tend to end up in the subject’s friends cousin’s friends nephew’s sisters step daughters page.
This job is a big deal as I have to be super careful not to mistakenly press like on an instagram picture of 1975 to avoid triggering all the stalker alert alarms.